Sometimes I feel like a fraud calling myself “Frugal RN.” I struggle with guilt over my past purchases; I have rationalized unnecessary purchases and really can’t explain why. The pit in my stomach makes me feel ashamed because I know that my decisions have only added to our debt sentence.
I created and added a header image to my blog, illustrating our journey through the flames to ultimate F.I.R.E., a goal that I so strongly and badly yearn to achieve. However, I realize that without ongoing changes in my habits and gaining control over my compulsions to occasionally spend beyond what I know is “right”, I fear it may never happen…certainly not as quickly as I would like nor as quickly as possible.
I realize that others are far more frugal than we are. That isn’t the problem; I’m more than okay with that. We have made positive changes in our situation: for example, we no longer have cable, we cook/eat 95+% of our meals at home, and we are on pace to reach my previously stated goal of paying off at least $20,000 of debt this year.
Wow, this is a really downer post…I’m just havng a blah moment and needed somewhere to vent. What better place than to billions of potential readers? lol
I started writing this post a few days ago while feeling bummed and, until coming back to it right now, the above section is what I had written. I was honestly just having a self-induced pity party that, now that I sit back and reflect on it, actually pisses me off. My angst even triggered me to emotionally eat and indulge in a few small chocolate chip cookies at work that, while they were delicious and didn’t result in me going over my allotted Weight Watchers Points for the day, I had previously been abstaining from such processed sugars in order to save for TRULY enjoying my wife’s baked treats…so, likewise, that was infuriating!
Admittedly, I do feel guilty about making decisions that have only served to prolong my family from reaching our goals. But the fact of the matter is, the past is the past and we have resolved to address the problem head-on and have a solid game-plan in place to eradicate the problem.
While I still have plenty of work to do, bettering myself mentally, in order to break old habits and overcome the rationalization of occasional overspending, from here on out, there will be no more self-loathing and cry-baby-bullshit coming from me. Negativity does absolutely zero good and only wears me down both physically and mentally.
I spoke with my wife (who is absolutely amazing, by the way) the following morning about how I was feeling and she is, without a doubt, the most supportive and wonderful person I could ever hope to have by my side through our journey together. Thank you Lovebug 😉
Writing this post has been extremely cathartic and I thank you, wholeheartedly, for hearing me out. Don’t forget to follow along via WordPress or by entering your e-mail address over in the right-hand column to ensure that you receive future posts.
If you find yourself in a similar situation and need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out. Talk to your significant other, friend, family member, or anyone else of your choosing; express your concerns and get it off your chest. Also, I would love to hear from you! Please comment below or, if you would prefer, shoot me an e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Talk to you soon; have a good night!