Am I a Fraud?

Sometimes I feel like a fraud calling myself “Frugal RN.”  I struggle with guilt over my past purchases; I have rationalized unnecessary purchases and really can’t explain why.  The pit in my stomach makes me feel ashamed because I know that my decisions have only added to our debt sentence.

I created and added a header image to my blog, illustrating our journey through the flames to ultimate F.I.R.E., a goal that I so strongly and badly yearn to achieve.  However, I realize that without ongoing changes in my habits and gaining control over my compulsions to occasionally spend beyond what I know is “right”, I fear it may never happen…certainly not as quickly as I would like nor as quickly as possible.

I realize that others are far more frugal than we are.  That isn’t the problem; I’m more than okay with that.  We have made positive changes in our situation:  for example, we no longer have cable, we cook/eat 95+% of our meals at home, and we are on pace to reach my previously stated goal of paying off at least $20,000 of debt this year.

Wow, this is a really downer post…I’m just havng a blah moment and needed somewhere to vent.  What better place than to billions of potential readers? lol

I started writing this post a few days ago while feeling bummed and, until coming back to it right now, the above section is what I had written.   I was honestly just having a self-induced pity party that, now that I sit back and reflect on it, actually pisses me off.  My angst even triggered me to emotionally eat and indulge in a few small chocolate chip cookies at work that, while they were delicious and didn’t result in me going over my allotted Weight Watchers Points for the day, I had previously been abstaining from such processed sugars in order to save for TRULY enjoying my wife’s baked treats…so, likewise, that was infuriating!

Admittedly, I do feel guilty about making decisions that have only served to prolong my family from reaching our goals.  But the fact of the matter is, the past is the past and we have resolved to address the problem head-on and have a solid game-plan in place to eradicate the problem.

While I still have plenty of work to do, bettering myself mentally, in order to break old habits and overcome the rationalization of occasional overspending, from here on out, there will be no more self-loathing and cry-baby-bullshit coming from me.  Negativity does absolutely zero good and only wears me down both physically and mentally.

I spoke with my wife (who is absolutely amazing, by the way) the following morning about how I was feeling and she is, without a doubt, the most supportive and wonderful person I could ever hope to have by my side through our journey together.  Thank you Lovebug 😉

Writing this post has been extremely cathartic and I thank you, wholeheartedly, for hearing me out.  Don’t forget to follow along via WordPress or by entering your e-mail address over in the right-hand column to ensure that you receive future posts.

If you find yourself in a similar situation and need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out.  Talk to your significant other, friend, family member, or anyone else of your choosing; express your concerns and get it off your chest.  Also, I would love to hear from you!  Please comment below or, if you would prefer, shoot me an e-mail me at frugaltravelnurse@outlook.com.  Talk to you soon; have a good night!

-Brandon

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14 thoughts on “Am I a Fraud?

    • Thank you so much! I’ve found that I enjoy this blogging experience far more than I ever anticipated and sharing with other individuals going through similar experiences is incredibly inspiring and uplifting. And you’re right; the accountability aspect is far bigger than I anticipated, as well. Following along and interacting with others such as yourself provides for a sense of community and a feeling of not wanting to let ourselves or you guys down. Thanks a bunch for following along with me and my family; it’s been great to “meet” you and yours and hear about your journey and struggles, as well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. We all have those moments of self doubt and guilt. But if making progress is the goal, we can forgive ourselves for occasionally being imperfect — you’re still making incredible progress!

    I’ve found that setting goals that require near-perfect adherence to strict patterns of behavior just makes me beat myself up for being human. And then I break. Be kind to yourself. You deserve kindness.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for the encouraging words! 🙂

      I couldn’t agree more with you. I’m well over my temporary funk. Sometimes I just get irritated with past decisions. No real explanation for it…I’m an extremely optimistic person 99% of the time. Just had a bad day and decided to use this blog as a outlet, secondary to my wife. All is better now; thanks for listening! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much; you’re absolutely right. I am proud of the progress we’re making…I simply got frustrated while reflecting on poor decision making that I had done. No worries though. Those negative thoughts are in the past now and only brighter days lie ahead. 🙂

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  2. I completely agree with the other three comments. Besides, all of us bloggers are a bunch of frauds…because we’re all human! Run far far away from anyone that makes you believe they have it all together.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks a bunch Ernie! It is only through our flaws and mistakes that we learn and continue to grow. I am constantly seeking to better myself on a daily basis. Glad to know I’m not the only imperfect human out here in the blogosphere…lol 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I often feel the same way. We still have cable (it were just up to just me , I would cut it) and we still go out to eat. Our blow money is kinda high compared to some budgets I’ve seen. I know if we cut back on theses items, we could reach our goals more quickly but part of me feels like it needs to be a natural progression and balance. Especially since I’m the one introducing my husband into this more frugal, budgeting lifestyle. I don’t want to shock him and make him miserable in the process.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This post was part of my inspiration to change my pseudonym and I couldn’t be happier to have done it. Finding balance is definitely key…I’ve even written a post about it! 😉

      Look into Hulu, if you haven’t already; it’s only $8 per month ($12 if you want to avoid commercials…worth it in our book!) Before cancelling cable, we discovered that there were only a handful of shows that we watch regularly and they were all available on Hulu. CBS shows aren’t but can be watched online for free on the CBS website. The only other shows that we watch that aren’t available are Deadliest Catch and The Walking Dead…we simply purchase the whole seasons through Amazon and watch them that way. Even doing that, we still come out way ahead with the monthly savings of cancelling cable. Talk it out with your husband; you might be surprised.

      As far as “blow” money is concerned, it’s not something we actually budget for. We rarely tell ourselves no if we find ourselves wanting something. If we can rationalize the purchase and it’s not detrimental to our goals, we go for it.

      I hope you can effectively ease your husband into everything…send him over to Mr. Money Mustache’s website and let him read this article regarding Hedonic Adaptation –> http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/10/22/what-is-hedonic-adaptation-and-how-can-it-turn-you-into-a-sukka/

      Hope it helps; have a nice day! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thx! I’m a Mustacian fan too and I’ll check the article out.

        My husband is big into sports and late night tv, so we would have to find another options where he could watch his games live on a TV. I’m really not even stressing the cable at this point. I’ve gotten him to increase his retirement contributions from 7% to 48% in a matter of months so I’m content to let him have his cable….. For now 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hope you like the article; it’s an excellent explanation of how we are naturally able to adapt to new situations…i.e. we don’t miss cable at all. I’m pretty sure Hulu has several of the late night shows and, depending on what sports your husband likes, I know that Major League Baseball has a streaming service that we’ve considered going with but haven’t yet. I’m not sure if other sports have similar options?

          That’s an amazing leap in contribution percentages! At a savings rate like that, (plus I’m assuming you add to the pot?,) you guys should be on rapid pace to reach your FIRE date, so congrats on that! 🙂 Speaking of which, have you calculated your projected age at which you will reach FIRE?

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            • That sounds awesome! Coincidently, my scheduled post later this week is about the FIRE calculator I’ve been using; it’s a tweaked version of the one on Budgets Are Sexy. I just taught myself how to embed an Excel spreadsheet on my posts so it’ll be interactive. I’ll be looking forward to your post 🙂

              Like

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